Mean Girls.....At Church
My STORY is not much different then many other girls big, small, young or old that encounter bullies. However, I have seem to have had my share of them both in school and in church. Yes, there are mean girls in church! Mine started with our pastors daughter who made it her mission to try to provoke me or be as mean as she could on every turn. She was bent on trying to hurt me at every opportunity she could find. She would pull all the kids together and run and hide from me as a child. I was always the target of her childhood games.
This progressed to whispering and looking at me with all the other girls on one side while I was on the other. There were times I wanted to just be her friend but for what ever reason she had it in for me. It never stopped! It progressed to where she would find out what boy I liked and tell everyone and then make a big show about how she could take any boy I liked. It was a game to her. But what she didn't know was I only had one major crush in my teenage life time and she was gone by the time I met him. You would think that a deacon's daughter would know better let alone a pastor's daughter!
She would start or carry on rumors about me that were absolutely not true! While she lead the church youth group to the back row of the church. I remained on the front. It actually made me closer to God and stronger for him as I began my calling. I don't know maybe its true once a bully always a bully without God's Grace.
Years later( my Sophomore year) we moved to an amazing church with a lot of friends. I loved it! It was away from being bullied. Or so I thought. You see, bullies are everywhere! You will have to face them in many times throughout your life. And just because it's church does not mean it stops. Sad to say but some of the same things that happen in circle of high school friends often times happen in church just in different sneaky ways. Although I have forgiven her as a teenager, I have never received an apology for any of her childhood tortures she afflicted on me service after church service.
I soon met my knew bully. She was not the mean kind that spread rumors or that run away from you with a group of other girls. She was the front row worshiper. She was the pretty, popular girl that everyone liked. But what they did not know or what they could not see was that She made sure at every opportunity she had to let me know how much better she was than me. I was simply trying to be the best me I could be. I was running in my own lane and honestly in my heart of hearts I didn't care about her lane. How pretty she was and how that I didn't have a chance with her brother because I was not good enough. At every turn I could see her manipulating. Time after time we would be together she would tell me how he would have a crush on this girl( her best friend) I didn't even ask or let any one know I even liked the guy. I do not know if she was afraid that we would get together or what, but she could not leave it alone. So by then I really didn't care I stayed clean away from him. I remember one Sunday, for what ever reason she was taking me home in her car. I will never forget it. I said to her" you know it would be really great if you and I could be friends, trying find common Christ like ground with her. She told me that I was not good enough to be in her circle of friends and that I needed to stay where I was. None of that made any sense to me because I wanted to be friends with everyone. But it was like she had to be in some elite group that only she could be part of. There was not enough room for me. She is the only one who could succeed.So with her syrupy sweet smile and pretty face she would diss me, brag, show off whenever she had a chance. But REALLY by then I did not even care it just became annoying.
Pink Peonies
You see when you come to Christ it is an
even playing ground!
There are no favorites with God in his Kingdom. Man has man made clubs and groups with favorites for all to see.This is what amazes me, God's love and resources are to all those who are saved. There is no elite groups! We are all a part of the body of Christ if you truly have been saved. He has amazing dreams for each and every one of us, not for just a select group. I have seen time and time again that if the bully does not get it under the blood. They will have a rude awakening with God. Their life will not be what he has planned for them, his absolute best.
1. THE MEAN GIRL NEVER WINS IN THE END.
It may look like she has won when you see her gloating at a football game or writing biting comments on Instagram. But the truth is that she is hurting and if she keeps up this behavior, she will continue to hurt long after you know her name or care what she thinks of you.
2. FORGET THE PILE MENTALITY.
There is not a pile and you don’t need to get to the top of it. In school, there is a feeling of social hierarchy, but ignore it. It’s not real life. The most popular girl at your school? She’ll go to college and be a freshman and no one will know her. The pile is an illusion.
3. LIKE WHAT YOU LIKE.
It’s hard to be the mean girl when you are having a great time. If you are hanging with people you like (in real life or online) and participating in activities you like (whether they are labeled “cool” or not), you don’t have time or energy to be mean. You are you on purpose- like the things you like, like the people you like, and be glad to be you.
4. USE YOUR WORDS WELL.
You have so much power with your words. Don’t quit using them, don’t walk away from the internet or your friends. Recognize that you can change someone’s whole day with just a kind word.
5. BE BRAVE.
It isn't easy swimming upstream, going against culture and deciding to stand up when others back away. Be brave with your words, be brave with your friendships. Don’t be the girl that has to be at the top of the pile. Be the girl who is wise enough to recognize the pile doesn't exist and brave enough to build something new there. Annie Downs
"The Urban Dictionary defines “Mean Girls” as girls who are bullies and use “girl aggression” (nasty comments, trickery, deceit, excluding people from events, spreading rumors, stealing boyfriends,etc.) to manipulate other girls."
Of course life has a way of growing us all up. But the fact remains. There is and always will be bullies even in adult years. They are at your work, at your homes, yes again even in your churches. You have a choice! Is this the seed I want to sew. Or am I going to let this soften me and learn from it. Be the better person. Allow God to use this for HIS advantage.
Mean church girl.....You are sewing some very bad seed in your life that will come back to you in a form of a harvest your not going like if you do not get it right!
"Some paths we suddenly find ourselves walking are overwhelming and shake us to our very core. There is nothing we or anyone else can do to make it go away and we feel frightened, alone and powerless.
But even then, in our darkest, most alone, moment there is a glimmer of light and somehow we keep moving. And the truth is that each one of us has faced or will face devastating loses and heartbreak when we wonder how will we ever go on. But we do the best we can, one small step, one tiny step at a time and we focus on that light and even though we may be shaking, we hold steady. And then one day, months, maybe even years later we realize that it was actually the "getting through" part that deepened us and gave us the capacity to be that glimmer of hope and light for others. And the circle it goes round and round".
Resource: Please check all of these sites out. They are full of help.
http://www.balmnet.co.uk/spirituality.htm
http://www.bullyonline.org/action/recover.htm
http://www.foreverymom.com/mean-girls-go-to-church/
https://unlockingfemininity.wordpress.com/2013/09/17/you-might-be-the-mean-girl-in-your-church-if/
http://millennialpastor.net/2014/01/23/12-reasons-why-it-is-good-to-be-a-church-bully/
https://unlockingfemininity.wordpress.com/2013/09/17/you-might-be-the-mean-girl-in-your-church-if/
