All taken from the book The language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Dealing With Painful Feelings
Feelings of hurt and anger can be some of the most difficult feelings to face. With them we can feel vulnerable, frightened and powerless. With these feeling it may trigger feeling of the past.
Sometimes, to gain sense of control, we may punish the people around us, whether they are people we blame for these feelings or innocent bystanders. We may try to "get even" or we may manipulate behind peoples backs to gain a sense of power over the situation.
But in doing so it only postpones facing our pain. While hurt feelings are not fun they are just feelings.
We have the power of choice to surrender to them, feel them and go on.
We do not have to act in haste: or punish others to feel control over our feelings. We can begin to share our feelings with others. That often brings healing to them and to us.
REAL POWER COMES WHEN YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE VULNERABLE TO FEEL
Some of us have made the decision that no one was going to hurt us again!! Hurt feeling are a part of life, relationships and recovery.Many of us have had more than our share of pain. We may have been overwhelmed, crushed or stopped in our tracks. We may not have had the resources to cope.
That was yesterday! Today we do not have to be so frightened. We are becoming strong enough to deal with our hurt feelings. We need only to let ourselves to feel vulnerable enough to feel hurt. Go ahead and feel your feelings but do not let them control your behavior. Maybe our pain is showing us we need to set a boundary. Maybe it is showing us we are going the wrong direction. Maybe its triggering a deep healing process.
It's OK to hurt. It's OK to cry. It's OK to heal.
It is ok to move on to the next feeling.
Responsibility For Ourselves
We have been doing the wrong things for the right reasons.
Co Dependency No More
Caretaking: The act of taking care of other people while neglecting responsibility for ourselves.
We may believe in an unconscious level that other people are responsible for our happiness.
It's a worthy goal to feel considerate, loving, nurturing person. But care taking can start neglecting ourselves to the point of feeling victimized. Caretaking involves in caring for others in ways that stop them from taking responsibility for themselves.
It does not work!!! It hurts other people. It hurts us. The kindest most generous behavior we can choose is taking care of ourselves. We need to let go and let others take responsibility for their selves.